I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
