So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
