I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
The struggles of a small town man whore
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize