i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Randomize
