Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
