My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
He felt like a one man threesome
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
