We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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