we're chasing vodka with high fives
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
