We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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