She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
