So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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