Got a toothbrush?
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I fill condoms, not promises.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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