Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Randomize
