im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize