Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
