what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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