Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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