I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
