that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
