I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
