I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
