Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
