remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Someone came in the potted fern
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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