My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize