God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
