how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Randomize
