i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
