well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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