I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
