I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
she peed on how many people?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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