i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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