If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Dear god my vagina.
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