I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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