Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
