Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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