I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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