Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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