giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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