His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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