Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
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