we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I am mentally ready for anal.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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