I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
