i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
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