i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
