apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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