Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Can I color on your dick again?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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