I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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