I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
