I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
you didnt know i had herpes?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Randomize
