and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
