My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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