Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
