i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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