I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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