3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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