Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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