Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
