I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I came so hard my ears popped.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
