There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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