hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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