So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
we made out on top of his cat.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
