just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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