he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
