if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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